What if. Two words that constantly have me dwelling on the past

Thinking back to the forks in the road that lead me here

I wonder how many wrong turns Ive taken blindly

It’s the feeling of “what if” that binds me

To the errors I wish I could’ve corrected in that instance

It keeps me from sleeping while the task seems so easy to the rest

I spent so many nights with my mental state in distress

Playing back my decisions over and over in my mind

Journeying to the past to see where I lost my sense of direction

I don’t wanna live in these memories but regret tends to make me one of it’s tenants

And everytime I ask “what if?” Regret adds more time to the lease.

Condemned to daily pesturing in the back of my head and a case of the Nostalgia blues

I try drowning It out with music but even the music turned it’s back on me

Because when I play certain songs I see my past very vividly

And it just hits me, so many emotions at once taking their toll on my defenses

I’m near breaking point with no way to fortify myself and these bottled up feelings

Although I’ve had people tell me to look for peace through God and spiritual healing

I found more comfort in learning how to play with the cards that Life is dealing

There’s no use crying about those cards that I lost along the way.

What if? No, it’s better to let the ‘if’ stay enigmatic.